How can we create “breaking-out-of-one’s-shell” experience”?

In my last article, I talked about how leaders need to experience inner contradictions and conflicts in order to mature mentally, and how being aware of the story archetype of the process of conflict can help them overcome it.

What is needed for a leader to become mentally mature?

In this article, I will talk about how we can create the experience of inner contradictions and conflicts.

We can create our own growth opportunities

Research in leadership development on the topic of breaking-out-of-one’s-shell experiences has been conducted to determine what types of experiences promote leader growth.

Those studies have shown that experience opportunities that lead to leader growth include:

▼Promotion (change of roles and responsibilities)
▼Transfer to a different position
▼Transfer to a remote location
▼Difficult supervisor-subordinate relationships (becoming the boss of a former colleague, older subordinates, etc.)
▼New relationships
▼Adapting to a new country and culture
▼New cross-departmental initiatives
▼New industry/role responsibilities (job change with industry change, transfer to a subsidiary)
▼Change in working style (family or health circumstances)

If you have had this experience, you may think, “That was a tough time, but I was able to grow through it in some ways.”

On the other hand, you realize that many of these experiences are not things you can create, but rather things that come to you as a result of a change in environment. Thus, while there are a certain number of people who have experienced any of these things over a time span of a decade, the reality is that you can’t control whether or not you will encounter these changes in your environment in a time span of months.

Does that mean that if you don’t have these opportunities, you won’t have the opportunity to grow?

I believe that opportunities for personal growth can be created by anyone at any time and in any environment.

I mentioned in a previous article that the growth of a leader requires the experience of inner conflict, and that inner conflict is the experience of facing the contradiction between living in subjective truth and living in harmony with one’s surroundings.

The growth opportunities described in the above research results can be interpreted as experiences in which a change in circumstances regarding “living in harmony with one’s surroundings” occurs due to a change in the environment and requires adaptation to that change. In the tension between “subjective truth” and “living in harmony with one’s surroundings,” the former does not change, but because of the change in the latter’s circumstances, inner conflicts are likely to occur.

If we think about it this way, we will notice that even if the environment has not changed, inner conflicts are brought about by the changes in one’s inner life regarding “living in subjective truth”. And because this is our inner change, it is up to us to create it at any time, in any environment.

Change in “living in harmony with your surroundings”
=
Outer change
=
Not always able to create by yourself

Changes in “living in subjective truth”
=
Inner change
=
You can create by yourself

So what is the change in “living in subjective truth”?

First of all, the basic premise is that if you have the sense that you are already in the process of facing an adaptive challenge (a challenge that involves a transformation of identity and values), you should focus on that process.

I also recommend that you check to see if you have sufficient resources. By resources, I mean your physical and mental strength, support from others, time availability, and useful tools. If we compare it to a journey, it’s like a journey that requires physical and mental strength and preparation of clothing and other things.

When you feel that you don’t have enough resources, it may not be the right time to embark on a journey of adaptive challenges. At such times, you may have the option of waiting until your resources are sufficiently restored.

Finding recurring patterns with negative emotions

If you want to find opportunities for significant growth and you feel your resources are sufficient, paying attention to recurring patterns of negative emotions can help you create your own breaking-out-of-the-shell experiences.

The reason why we pay attention to negative emotions is because where there are negative emotions, there is some kind of “gap between the true wish and reality”. For example, we want to be stable, but we are anxious because we don’t know what will happen. We expect something, but we are dissatisfied because our expectations are not met.

The reason why we pay attention to recurring patterns is that the background of recurring patterns is often tied up in fixed ideas about one’s identity and values. When a recurring pattern occurs, it is not necessarily the case that the phenomenon of the world itself is recurring at a level beyond one’s control, but in many cases, one’s own stereotypes make one see the world as it is, or cause it to happen that way.

A recurring pattern that I myself have fallen into is the following. (For more stories, see this article)

Feel the gap in reality against the goal
(Negative emotion 1: anxiety)
↓
Feel the difference in the sense of ownership and commitment while talking with the members involved
(Negative emotion 2: loneliness, isolation)
↓
Decide that I have no choice but to do it myself and take self-contained action
(Negative emotion 3: anger)
↓
Whether it succeeds or not, the atmosphere will be sullen
(Negative emotion 4: sadness)
↓
Making excuses to myself that I “had to
(Negative emotion 5: depression)

The same pattern was repeated in different situations: when sales goals were about to be missed, when product development did not seem to be on schedule, or when we heard that an employee was unhappy or anxious about something.

This was due to the following value-and-belief-level stereotypes.

▼The president has to take the final responsibility for all problems.
▼The gap between goals and reality must be filled immediately.
▼There are no side-effects of action to bridge the gap (direct tangible effects are important, there are no side-effects)
▼If the result is successful, people will be satisfied

The journey of the experience of breaking out of one’s shell begins by becoming aware of one’s value-and-belief-level stereotypes. And when you become aware of the stereotypes, it is better to spend some time watching the stereotypes become conscious rather than trying to change them immediately.

When the next time the same pattern comes up, it is a great harvest if you think, “That stereotype is coming up again.” As you watch, you will hear the voice in your mind saying, “Maybe I don’t need to be too bound by that stereotype,” or “Let’s try a different way of thinking.”

It’s good to follow that voice of mind and experiment a little bit. You don’t have to jump from a high place all at once. You just need to try a few small steps.

Then observe how the “recurring pattern” changes as a result of the experiment. In addition to observing the event itself, observe your negative emotions, in particular. If there is a slight difference and it seems to be heading in the desired direction for you, you can move on to a larger experiment, or if it doesn’t feel right, you can try something different.

The experience of breaking out of one’s shell is not necessarily a painful one.

“Huh? I thought the experience of breaking out of my shell was a pretty big, long, painful one to get over, but is it really such a small, familiar thing?” Some of you may have wondered like this.

I believe that the experience of breaking out of one’s shell is not necessarily a painful one. Rather, I like the feeling of creating a game-like “breaking out of one’ s shell” experience from within.

Of course, the experiences described in the first half of this article, which are caused by changes in the external environment, may not always be enjoyable like a game, and many of them may be painful.

However, an out-of-one’s-shell experience that comes from within, based on the change of living in subjective truth, depends on our mind, and can be enjoyable or exciting, according to the design of the experience.

I am now on a journey of adaptive challenges, “self-expression = transmitting my subjective truths and my identity while maintaining harmony between my identity and the people around me.” Writing articles in this way is also an aspect of responding to my adaptive challenge.

And I’m working on this journey more like a video game than a painful one, wondering what kind of monster (challenge) I’m going to encounter next.

In this way, if we let go of the stereotype that we have to go through painful experiences in order to grow as a leader, we will be able to engage in more positive, continuous, “breaking out of our shell” experiences and continue to grow.

Here are the quests of the day. (If you’d like, please share your thoughts in the comments.)

・What experiences have you had that have been opportunities for growth which had been triggered by your inner changes, if any?

・What are the recurring patterns around you right now, accompanied by negative emotions, if any?

Bunshiro Ochiai